It's better to be alone and healthy than sick with someone else

"it's better to be healthy and alone than sick with someone else" - Phil McGraw I've found myself thinking a lot about the past in the last week, the hurt of my last relationship has been washing over me frequently. I think it's the fact that I'm editing the book I wrote last year about my battles with codependency, anxiety and agoraphobia that has got me over thinking and dragging myself back to a place that I wish I had never had to go to in the first place. While thinking a lot about my ex I suddenly came across this quote from Phil McGraw on a friends tumblr "it's better to be healthy and alone than sick with someone else" and it reminded me just how far I have come and the reason why I walked away from everything - to understand and have a relationship with myself. Three years ago I was a sick, broken person, I felt like it was my sole purpose in life to keep people happy and to try to make people love me, after years of being used and emotionally abused I could no longer actualy physically function. I know I still have a long way to go and healing from all of the hurt I have experienced is part of the journey, but that quote reminded me that the relationship I have with myself is the most important thing and the reason why I have worked so hard to come back from the lowest point of my life.

BBC doctors is back!

BBC Doctors is back on Monday and I know all of us fans are eagerly anticipating it's return. I know a lot of people were frustrated that it hasn't been on for the last two weeks during the Easter holidays, including myself, although I am used to the show taking it's seasonal breaks now. It can be annoying that it is taken off the network during these times, but we have to remember that the show doesnt have the budget or audience of the big soaps like Eastenders and Coronation Street. The key audience of BBC doctors is stay at home mums and during the Easter holidays they will most likely be out entertaining their kids so it would be a waste of money to put out episodes to small audience figures, especially when viewing ratings could affect the longevity of tne show. Although I miss tne show when it is not on I will happily accept missing it for a couple of weeks if it means they can keep making further series of the show.

The Waltons At 30!

At the start of the Easter bank holiday I watched the documentary the Waltons at 30, which caught up with the Worlds only all girl sextuplets as they reached a milestone birthday. I grew up watching the Waltons annual documentaries and found it fascinating, I used to think imagine being one of them and having five sisters all the same age as you? So it was nice to catch up with how the girls are getting on as adults. There was a lot of people saying on twitter and Facebook that it was strange that none of them had got married and had children but in the day and age where celebrities get married and divorced within months, I think it's nice to see young women taking their time to build their own lives. None of them has rushed into marriage and subsequently divorced leaving children and trails of destruction behind them in it's wake like so many these days, nor had any of them tried to use their notoriety to cash in and make easy money. The girls seem as lovely as their parents and I felt encouraged by the stable upbringing they have had, you could clearly see there's still a lot of love in that family. It was great to see as well that they still continue to raise money for the hospital that looked after the girls as babies, the amazing gift they were given has not been forgotten by them. It would be brilliant to see some more documentaries about the girls adult lives in tne future.

Back to reality...

Hope everybody had a good Easter break, I've been really struggling to get back into a routine over the last two days. Having a four day weekend certainly spoils us, lots of lie in's and time to spend with the family and to relax. I am paying for over indulgences in the food and drink department with bad indigestion this week, my body just doesn't have the tolerance to eat lots of rubbish these days. I was a little bit disappointed with the films they had on TV over Easter, it would be good if they put on a few more adult choices. I did check out the new series Fargo though, staring Martin Freeman and Billy Bob Thornton, I haven't seen the film but really enjoyed the first episode of this series and thought Martin Freeman's acting was great. Eastenders also gave us a brilliant Easter storyline with the murder of Lucy Beale, the murderer is unknown but of course we know Lucy had a few enemies who would have had motive. Eastenders have promised us a 'whodunit' as big as broadchurch, so it looks like the story will take on many twists and turns before we find out who Lucy's killer is.

First episode of Party House

I checked out the first episode of Party House yesterday on E4, and have to say oh dear! I'm really not sure about it. It was sort of like the story and filming style of made in Chelsea but with the cast of skins, but it had that kind of empty feel to the production that I remember desperate scousewives having, even when the people were saying something or there was music playing it still felt like there was something missing. The girls seemed to have no shame over he guys as well, fighting over the same guy 'shoey' who really was nothing special. I will give next weeks episode a look, but I can't see this one coming back for a second series!

ITV drama: The Little House

I watched ITV drama The Little House yesterday while I was working, it was made a few years ago but has recently been reshown. The programme is based on a Philippa Gregory novel and is about Ruth a young ambitious teacher who has plans of travelling who unexpectedly finds herself pregnant and forced into a rural life living in close proximity to her inlaws. Her mother in law Elizabeth who is jealous of her and wants her grandchild for herself begins a campaign of manipulation against Ruth with tragic consequences. The ending was a little bit weak and could have had more substance but it was a great story and well worth a watch.

The Widower

I caught part of the second episode of The Widower when it was originally aired on itv and was intrigued by the story and wished I had watched it from tbe start, so yesterday I watched the whole three parts in one afternoon. It's crazy and heartbreaking when you remember that it's a true story and that those things that Malcolm did actually happened to real women. His second wife was inspirational by staying married to him to protect other women, and her family never stopped trying to get him convicted for the murder of his first wife. It took 15 years but eventually he was imprisoned for life for the murder of his first wife and the attempted murder of his second wife. The drama got me thinking what would push someone to those lengths? That they would lie about having cancer or drug someone who was breastfeeding their own child. I think though when you saw the scene with Malcolms parents it kind of became obvious that he had always been written off and not much had been expected of him, he probably had a great need for attention and gratification which he got from money by stealing from women or running up debt. All in all it was a great drama with some fantastic acting, another job well done by ITV.

New Series Of The Call Centre

I didn't watch the first series of the call centre on bbc3 but I've just started watching the second series that has been on for the past two weeks. Call centre boss Nev is certainly a character and I can safely say I have met a few Nev's during my time in the corporate world. The call centre they are filming at reminds me of some of the large telecoms type companies I have used as suppliers over the years, where there is a heavy emphasis on maintaining a social atmosphere at work. The problem I often find with those type of companies is that quite frequently the employees don't know how to snap out of that social mode and actual work issues aren't often given the attention and standing they require, if you don't believe me try getting hold of someone from one of those companies at 2pm on a Friday! Watching the show last night which featured a guy who's job was under threat because his sales technique was failing, I was reminded of my student days working for a large supermarket chain. I remember that pressure to fit in and do a certain job in one set way, there was nothing that took individual personalities into account. I was really hoping that they guy would tell Nev to shove his job but in the end he accepted a demotion to sorting out the mail!

Emmerdale catch up!

I've just been getting up to date with last weeks Emmerdale episodes. It was great that Marlon decided to be part of the super cute April's life and there were some funny moments as he tried to win her over! It was sad though that we found out the reason why Donna wanted April to get to know her father, she has a terminal illness and has possibly only a few years to live. Elsewhere it was great to see Priya getting help for her eating disorder but is she getting too close to David again?

Well done Mo Farah!

Yesterday was the London Marathon 2014 and it was a lovely spring day for it. I always make sure I watch the London Marathon on TV as I love seeing the atmosphere and hearing the inspirational stories behind why people are taking part. It reminds me of how much our UK charities need us, I know that I will never be a marathon runner but it does encourage me to remember to give back in my own way through my own skills. Yesterday was also Olympic champion Mo Farah's first marathon which he chose to run competitively with some of the best marathon runners of all time, with a view to beating the British men's marathon record. In the end Mo finished eighth place and his time ranked 4th in the British record, which is a great achievement for his first marathon. What I found really disappointing was the attitude of the commentators and interviewers working for the BBC who implied because he didn't win that he should stick to track running where he is champion or that he should have run his first marathon in another country where there would have been less media attention. So what he didn't win? He's mastered track running and now he wants a new challenge, he did amazingly well for his first time and wanted to take part in his hometown to give something to the country that has been behind him all through his career. Why should he run his first marathon in another country or in private just in case he didn't do as well as expected? It sometimes typical of our attitude in Britain that people should stick to what they are good at or only do something if they know they can win. It's the reason that there are so many cases of depression in sport, that people are built up for being good at just one thing and then they crash out when they fail and the public knocks them down. Mo isn't afraid of failure and we should admire him for that, marathon running is a new venture for him and he had to start somewhere. When asked by a well meaning interviewer if he would be sticking to track running from now on Mo assured us that "he will be back" good on you Mo for inspiring us to achieve more.

BBC doctors round up 12th April 2014

I spent last night catching up on last weeks BBC doctors episodes. It was an emotional week as Chris's final days in leatherbridge approached. We were left guessing as to whether Chris would turn himself into the police or not for assisting his Dad Sam with taking his own life. A firm talk from Jimmy made him realise that he shouldn't have to pay for the rest of his life for his Dad's selfish actions and finally Chris opted to start a new life in Australia. I do think Nathan Wright who plays Chris is a fantastic actor and it won't be long till we see him on our screens again in another part. There were also plenty of comedy moments last week as an offended breast feeding new mum started a Bellamy vs breast campaign against Howard, Karen and Rob were caught naked while babysitting Joe and Bigalow put Zara firmly in her place!

Adrian Mole and me: RIP Sue Townsend

As I saw Sue Townsend and Adrian Mole trending on twitter this morning I was intrigued. I hoped that the trends would be news of a new Adrian Mole book but my heart told me that the news was not going to be good. My fears were confirmed and reports informed us that Sue passed away yesterday at the age of 68. Great sadness filled me at this news, this is not only the death of a wonderful author but for me the loss and the end of the road as well for a literary character who has meant so much to me over the years. I first discovered the secret diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 3/4 when I was nine years old. I remember finding the book randomly in my mums bedroom and starting to read it. I was hooked and spent that Easter weekend laying on my parents bed devouring the book whilst munching my way through Easter eggs. Looking back I was way too young to fully appreciate the adult humour of the character of Adrian and I remember just like Adrian wondering what "wanton" meant. Nonetheless, to a nine year old me Adrian was a funny teenage character, with his aspirations of being a poet, his love for mars bars and his obsession with Pandora Braithwaite. Maybe I related a lot to Adrian because just like him I spent a lot of my early life living in my head and my bedroom. After I read that first book there was no holding back on my love for Adrian Mole. I asked for the other two books and the video of the tv adaptation for my tenth birthday. My sister and I watched the video over and over again and knew the whole script by heart. As a child that didn't really fit in at school, having a literary hero provided me with a sense of comfort and solace. As I grew, Adrian grew too, sometimes it was frustrating being an Adrian Mole fan, he made some really bad decisions, but haven't we all? As I got older and real life got busier I needed the comfort of Adrian Mole less and less, but I knew he was always there if I needed him. The time when I really needed him came when I was twenty nine years old, one weekend I started getting panic attacks and the only thing that kept me calm was reading Adrian Mole: The Prostate Years. After that I put all of the Adrian Mole books on my kindle and from that point on I read bits of them over again whenever I felt anxious. Somehow reading about Adrian's antics could give me immense comfort and distraction from my problems. I would like to thank and pay tribute to Sue for giving me such an amazing literary character in Adrian Mole, and for keeping his story going for us fans all the way through her career. Tonight I will read a couple of Adrian's diary entries and say a quiet prayer for Sue.